On the Grand Pillars and Enduring

Several martial arts are privileged to be the means by which ancient cultural traditions are kept alive. Kung fu, t’ai ji quan, silat, and many other arts have techniques and traditions that are hundreds of years old. The art that I practice has Japanese, Chinese, and Hawaiian lineages. Each lineage contributes practices that have been passed down from generation to generation, proven effective and upbuilding for the students who train in the art.

One practice from our Chinese side that is particularly meaningful for me is the Grand Pillars. The Grand Pillars consist of sixteen different poses that the student stands in for a given period of time, holding each pose on both the left and right side for a period anywhere from 10 seconds to a few minutes. While this may sound easy enough, anyone who has taken yoga can probably tell you that poses are not to be underestimated. Going into it you think, “I’m young, I’m fairly strong, and I’m in pretty good shape. I bet I can stay pretty low and get through these fine.” And for the first few poses, you probably can. Then after a few minutes the burning kicks in. The pain travels from your quads into your calves, your gluts, and your abs. It’s front, center, and unavoidable. Once you start Grand Pillars there’s no way out. Sure, you could cheat a little bit by letting yourself raise up an inch higher, taking a fraction of the searing edge off of your quadriceps. But the thing is, when everyone in the room is holding the same pose, any and every movement is amplified. And even worse than having the instructor see you cheat is personally knowing that you cut a corner in your training. There is no shortcut for Grand Pillars and no mystical secret to getting through it. They are a test of endurance and are meant to strengthen both body and mind.

During a retreat in San Diego we went through the Grand Pillars with Sensei. Before we began, Sensei reiterated that there are no secrets to getting through the Grand Pillars, but there are two things that will help immensely in enduring them. The first is breathing. In order for your muscles and your body to function well, you have to breathe correctly. If you hold your breath, you will quickly deplete your muscles of their source of energy. The second thing Sensei mentioned was to think about something outside of yourself. He said that though it was hard, we would do much better thinking about something- anything- other than the pain that was coursing through the body.

The Grand Pillars are more than just a martial arts practice; they are life itself. Suffering is inevitable, and there will be times when the pain seems unbearable. All we want to do is move out of the situation that we’re in, but many times we’re not able to change our circumstances. Instead, we must endure. We endure better when we are breathing and when we are focused on something other than our own pain. By breathing, I mean more than just inhaling air (though indeed there may be times when this is literally all we can do). To truly breathe is to take in and receive that which sustains us. By focusing on something other than our own pain, I do not mean being in denial of our own pain or needs, but rather taking our focus off of ourselves and placing our focus upwards toward God and outward toward the needs of other people.

Accordingly, the Christian must understand both what sustains her and where her focus should be. Scripture says that God is who sustains and upholds us, and God himself affirms this:

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. – Psalm 54:4

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. – Psalm 63:8

The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. – Psalm 145:14

…Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand. – Isaiah 41:10

God’s promise to sustain us is one that we can powerfully claim:

Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live, and let me not be put to shame in my hope! – Psalm 119: 116

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. – Psalm 51:12

Thus, what the psalmist proclaims boldly, God confirms with promises we can cling to, and we know that He has the power to keep this promise:

He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. – Hebrews 1:3a

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” – Matthew 28: 18

Once the Christian understands what sustains her, it is easier for her to shift her focus above and beyond the situation. Pain, discomfort, and dissatisfaction can be amplified to the degree to which we are self-focused. While we do need to honestly look our own problems in the eye, we don’t have to stare at them. On its own, dwelling on our imperfections and pain does nothing to alleviate them. But when you believe in a God who is so powerful that he upholds the universe by his word, a God who holds all authority in heaven and on earth, a God who has given his only Son to save you because he loves you so much, and a God who can give you new life and redeem any circumstance, you now have something that is truly worthy of your focus.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are on earth. – Colossians 3:1-2

           

When I meditate on who God is and what he has done for me, my mind is naturally drawn upward in prayer. I look up from my own suffering and see the compassionate face of Christ as He suffered for my sake. As I pray in gratitude to Him, my prayer extends outward toward other people in my life – starting with those who are enduring the Grand Pillars with me. I think about other people in my life who are suffering, and I pray for God to uphold them in the same way that he upholds me. Praying during something like the Grand Pillars doesn’t necessarily mean that they are any easier, but it does in some inexplicable way make them more enjoyable. Perhaps it’s because I come away from them feeling spiritually stronger in addition to feeling physically and mentally stronger. By praying through the Grand Pillars I am training myself to turn to God during painful times – times when I desperately need to cling to his promise to uphold me.

During the Grand Pillars, your body is screaming at you to move while your mind is simultaneously fighting to stay still. It is a literal representation of Mark 38:14, where “the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak.” Practices like this help the martial artist to bring the body further under the control of the will, so that we are capable of executing that which we desire to achieve. For the Christian, this has unique meaning in light of the earlier part of the aforementioned verse, where Mark warns to “watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation.” Our will is not naturally God’s will, and we need to train in the ways of righteousness if we are to act in a manner consistent with Christ.

           Often times students practicing the Grand Pillars will drop a knee to the ground midway through. When that happens, the instructor quickly tells them to get back up- and the student rises and assumes the same position – still shaking, sweating, and wanting nothing more than to rest their muscles. But they rise again because while their muscles may have given up, their minds have not. You would think that after dropping they would just stay down, but as the student resumes their position they learn that they can continue despite the pain.  They learn that they are capable of more than they thought they were, and they push themselves beyond limits they had originally set. The Grand Pillars teach a simple lesson that a wise man once told me: you’re not finished when you’re tired, you’re finished when you’re done.

I don’t practice the Grand Pillars as often as I should, but the thing about a solid pillar is that once you’ve built it, it stands strong. That there is a God who loves me, has saved me, redeemed me, and is with me every day, and that he has a greater purpose for my life: these solid pillars have truly upheld me during times of suffering. When you are suffering, I offer you these two things: breathe, and lift your mind upward to the Lord and outward to others. By this may you train in righteousness and progress in the art of endurance.

On Power and Grace

The main martial art that I discuss in these posts is Gozan-ryu Saito ninjutsu- a familial martial art which is at once beautiful, violent, traditional and practical.  My class is taught by Lance Wisdom, a guy who is genuinely one of the nicest (though also likely most dangerous) men that I know. He has taught me much about what it means to stand at odds with an enemy and what it really takes to defeat an enemy should there be need to engage.

One of Lance’s specialties is improvised weapons. He once spent an entire class teaching us how to fight with pens and books. He demonstrated a certain technique on me; one minute I was standing upright, the next minute I was held upside down, pinned against a wall, with a pen dug into my knee in a way that I quite simply did not understand in any manner other than it would hurt very badly should he apply full pressure.  It is important to note that he never applies these techniques out of anger and he is not trying to show off how tough he is. He exposes us to (gentle) pain to help us mentally prepare for real world conflict, and he teaches us carefully because he cares about us and would never want anything bad to happen to us.  We know that Lance is very strong, and we respect him for how he uses that strength and shares it with us.

In my first year at UCLA, our class had a visit from Sensei. For those of you not familiar with martial arts, sensei is a respectful term for a master of the art and the teacher of the teachers. Our sensei, Sensei Kawika, was and is Lance’s teacher. His biography is extensive, including work with the SEALs, the CIA, degrees from Ivy League schools, and oh yeah- he’s an ordained Episcopal priest (more on that later). As those of us in the class listened to Lance introduce Sensei with a great deal of respect, we too prepared a respectful attitude for a man who has authority as a master.

Sensei spoke for most of the time, but he did demonstrate a few techniques on Lance. Now, I’m not sure how many of you have ever watched one full grown man throw another full grown man across a room, but let me tell you, it is humbling. We watched as Sensei did to Lance as Lance does to us- putting him into submissions and locks with the same ease with which he might open a door. It was an odd thing to watch a man that I know to be so strong be that vulnerable at the hands of another. My logic went like this: Lance is more powerful than I am, and so I have a healthy fear and respect for him. Sensei is more powerful than Lance is, and therefore my fear and respect for Sensei should be proportionally greater. And indeed, it was.

At Sensei’s beckoning, Lance rushed full speed at Sensei. Sensei’s reaction happened very quickly, so much so that I don’t think I can describe it with much accuracy. What did happen was that Sensei shouted (ki-ai’ed) and lifted his hand into a uniquely shaped fist that stopped on a dime, poised directly in front of Lance’s eye. I believe Sensei’s foot had trapped Lance’s foot and planted it on the earth, stopping Lance dead in his tracks- a fitting expression given that Lance’s eye was literally inches away from the hand that could effortlessly thrust through his eyeball and into his skull.

It was at that moment that Sensei said something that I will never forget. With one hand poised lethally, he pointed down at his enemy with his other hand and said that the best thing that would ever happen to our enemy would be that they had attacked us and not somebody else.  He said that his faith taught him not to kill, and that he did not want to take any man’s life. However, it is only by having the power to take a life that you have the power to refrain from doing so.

This was how Sensei started to explain why some of the first things students are taught in this art are techniques to kill in combat.  I was especially listening to this, because it was one thing that had always bothered me about this art. I am a Christian, and God instructs that I am not to murder. Yes, I want to know how to defend myself, but I don’t think I would ever want to actually kill another human being. And here is the Sensei of this art, teaching these techniques and yet also an ordained priest in the Christian faith. How is my faith- our faith- to be reconciled with this art where techniques to kill are taught right from the get go? If that is where we start from, to where do we progress?

The answer, I came to realize, is that we progress toward mercy. In his demonstration with Lance, Sensei was completely confident in his control within the situation. He knew that he could end the threat at any time, and having this power meant that he also had the capability to make a conscious choice of whether to kill or not kill. In other words, he had the power to exercise mercy. I thought about that in light of all the martial arts training I have had. I pictured what my reaction would actually be if I were to be attacked by someone with the express intent of harming or killing me. Under ideal conditions I might be able to gracefully land my blows and escape, but life is not lived under ideal conditions. Even with hundreds of hours of training, I would still have adrenaline coursing through my veins, and I would still be terrified to a certain extent. And if I wasn’t careful, if I wasn’t in control, it would be entirely possible that in my panicked state I could end up harming that person far beyond what I would normally feel comfortably inflicting, and possibly even killing them. Because I would not have control or power, I would not have the capability to exercise mercy. This is what Sensei and Lance aim to give us with our training- not only power over our enemies, but power even to the point of showing grace in the form of mercy to our enemy.

            As powerful as Lance is, and as powerful as Sensei is, they are but men. Their power, my power, your power- any height or degree of power to which any one person can attain is still infinitesimally pathetic in comparison to the power of the living God. God created us, fathomed us even before the beginning of all things. He created the universe out of nothing. He sees all things and knows all things; he is present in every single situation simultaneously. God doesn’t just feel confident that he has control in a situation, he actually does have constant and complete control over every atom in the universe. With a single word, he could destroy us in an instant. If there is anyone who is worthy of our fear and respect, it is the living God himself.

            And yet, notice what this all-powerful God has done: though we gravely offend him in the vilest of ways, though we violate every command from the source of pure goodness and truth, though we have spit in the face of our Creator who has the absolute power to annihilate us- he offers us mercy. Our sin against a truly perfect God is eternally insolent- infinitely more offensive than any transgression that one human being can commit toward another. But because God is completely powerful, he is able to show complete mercy to his enemies (us). Instead of instantly delivering the death blow that he is fully justified to give, God reaches out to us and offers complete forgiveness for all of our sins toward him. By accepting Jesus Christ and believing that He paid the ultimate price- the death that you deserve for your offenses against God- you cease to become an enemy of God. You surrender to the one who is more powerful than you, and he extends to you an unfathomable amount of mercy. Not only do you cease to become an enemy, but you are adopted as a son into the family of God- taught, cared for, and loved with the compassion that a good father shows toward his son.

Things to consider:

-What kind of power do you ascribe to God? What is your place before God in light of this? What is your justification for this? 
-Would you be prepared to face God as an enemy?
-Most importantly: if God were extending his mercy toward you, would you be willing to accept it?